...

Months ago, I made one goal for myself that I wished to do. My goal was to make a single friend in real life.

If I were to look at my digital experience, it was always a breeze to make new friends. I remember making plenty of friends on Animal Crossing new leaf, where I'd meet people on the island then invite them to roleplay with me in hacked village. Obviously, I befriended people by giving them millions of bells, but when you have infinite bells, along with sky rocketing interest, it meant nothing to me. I remember roleplaying as a family with my friends, where I was the mum. My house was large enough for such roleplay. Sometimes I'd even glitch with my friends, using the King Tut mask. My village is gone because I hacked it too much, but that's okay because I wouldn't played it anyway if my save still existed.

Then there was Roblox. I was pretty much a roleplaying manic as a kid, that certainly didn't change on Roblox. I roleplayed as a high schooler, a prisoner, a fairy, pretty much any game that I could find. I befriended people very easily by simply asking if they wanted to be friends. Despite that, I don't think friendship was my main goal at the time because I made too many friends to interact with. That's another thing to learn about friendships, when you see people with over 100 friends, it's likely they only speak to 2-5.

As I grew older, I played less multiplayer games, meaning I didn't have the opportunity to connect with other people, much less roleplay. However, if there was one multiplayer game I played, it was Apex Legends. I didn't make friends through the game itself, but instead Discord. Since I was a late teen, I was aware that male gamers spoke negatively about girls and women alike. Even though I've had tough experiences with Discord, it was still a safer environment to me. I made less friends on there because I was selective, but those friends were higher quality than the others.

If I were to look at the entirety of my digital experience with friends, there is an important obversation in there. The less connection you have, the less danger that will occur. However, the lesser connection means less focus on the friendship, which impacts the duration of said friendship. I made one-day friends as an earlier minor because my risks were low, therefore my friendships were short. I made longer lasting friends as a later minor because my risks were high, but that encouraged danger. Though, I will mention, danger doesn't mean physical harm.

The funny thing is, when it comes to real life friendships, my obversation is thrown out of the window. Yes, my analysis is relevant to real life, but less so because there's already a vulnerability with putting yourself on display in real life. Not many people are willing to do that, which is why it is harder to make friends. Then there's the adult aspect to the issue, where many adults don't have the time to find friends.

So this is what I observed with my most recent months.

You can't befriend someone by asking them to be your friend. It's the easy solution and that is the problem. It's possible they will say yes, but much like how you'd ask someone on Roblox to be your friend, it's likely you'd never see them again. People are hesitant to commit to hanging out with someone they don't know because it risks time away from other activities since our time as adults is limited. Which brings forth another point to be addressed.

Make friends at regular social spaces. People say it's easier to make friends in school-like environments, but that is because it is essential to attend them. Everyone is in one place and their goal is the same, even if their hobbies isn't. They all have one thing in common that they can use to form a conversation, which is why attending a weekly social event matters. However, in my observation, if the social event is too large then you'll actually be more prone to loneliness because if everyone's social circles have already formed, they don't need to speak to you. That is why the next point is most important.

Find yourself a social space that forces everyone to work together. Parkruns, churches, and schools are ironically most isolating environments, despite how social they present themselves to be. That is because those places don't require you to interact with people. They don't need to speak to you, that's the issue. Sometimes school-like environments worked because you were forced into situations were you needed to interact with people. That's why volunteering is a good way to make friends, but you need to find the right one.

As you can see... I really have thought about this. I'm starting to realise that you can't have a friend because you want a friend. So many friendships hit a brick wall because there is no meaning to them. Friendships need a relative goal in mind, like how soldiers form friendships at war or employers find friendships at work. It's always about fighting for something and I want to fight for platonical love.