I still remember the reason I created my internet persona, Odette Eternia. It was early 2024 and I made fan-merch for Zero Escape. I hadn't open an online store before and I knew I couldn't use my previous username - it contained my real name. I needed a fresh label, a memorable name that is uniquely separate from the rest, where you could search their name on the web and their account will be the first to appear. It was simple, really - I chose Odette because I like Swan Lake and decided on Eternia afterwards because I wanted a word that connects with "ette". I like the idea of syncing 'odetteeternia' the word together since the words mirrors each other. You could even write 'odeternia', but you'll always know it is Odette Eternia.
Once I made my username, I joined social media platforms to advertise myself. However, I had a problem... I realised I am awful at advertising. I hate being pushy, yet that's the majority of the advetising experience. So I made a single post on each platform then avoided posting it ever again. Which isn't exactly practical when it comes to selling the merch... So I plan to finally create an Etsy account to walk around that. But now there is another issue - I have social media accounts that are inactive wastelands. With each passing day, I have an increasing urge to remove myself from these platforms. I don't see myself as an artist worthy enough to find an audience on all platforms - at least, not as of yet. I am thankful for the surprisingly growing audience I have on Tumblr, but I sometimes wonder if they don't be interested in the all artworks I have in store for them.
On the topic of social media, I'm actually distancing myself from social media. I'm trying to limit my screentime on social media to relieve myself from stress. Recently, I've noticed prolong pain in my stomach and I'm actively trying to rid myself from it. I cut myself from eating yogurt, starting drinking peppermint tea, and now I have to say goodbye to social media. I like to view this as a small experiment to see which social medias I should rid myself of. For each time my stomach rumbles returns, I write a mental note to myself as to what I should eliminate next in my lifestlye. It's almost shocking how easily my stomach stresses right now, I was watching an art commentary video and it felt uneasy from the smallest of arguing.
In the middle of my social media break, I'm already seeing profound changes to my stress levels. I suffer from almost zero stomach stress as of now, although I have to admit, my tea intake has also increased. I've been buying all sorts of tea, from vanilla chia to honey and chamomile. As I continue my social media break, I also gained a higher level of mindfulness as I reflect on myself, such as how I can improve and why things happened the way they did. I realised I hate being percieved, whether positively or negatively, because I am afraid of being idolised and villainised. As much as I love to look presentable, to feel presentable, I worry that my fixation over perfection causes people to possibly percieve me as a spotless image. Which only backfires when I am not what they see myself to be. I also realised how to prevent a collapse of a friendship. I remember a lesson that I learnt online, if someone has nothing to talk about, then that is when negativity will slip out. So when I notice a friend slip into negativity, now I ask myself, "How can I prevent this from reoccuring? How can I push the conversation to a different direction?" That's also why I challenge myself not to speak negatively because I don't want to resort to it. Overall, I'm feeling happy with how things are going with my experiment.
Although my journey to my car license has ended, my improvement journey has not. In fact, I don't believe anyone's journey has fully ended, it only slows down. I like to think I am an independant adult, but even as a young adult I have my weaknesses. I made some mistakes on the road recently and it certainly left me feeling ashamed and guilty, but I realised my P plate is supposed to show I'm new on the road and that's okay. As long as I didn't make an accident, I still have time to reflect and learn from my mistakes. I hope these words can touch other people's hearts as well. I remember my driving instructor telling me that if I keep thinking about my mistakes, I will only make more. The fact that I made these mistakes in a short time, all the same mistake in a T section of not looking both ways, proves that statement. It's obvious that my mind goes back to that moment and only brings it into reality. And so, I need to let go. Perhaps I need to let go to many things, and my worries are one of them.
As of now, I decided I'm going to treat this website like it is a piece of artwork. I got inspired by so many beautifully talented neocities websites recently and I got inspired to combine my art with my coding.