It's funny how the weather works - yesterday was boiling hot and today it is raining nonstop. Yet, for both of these days, I wanted to go out. I made an excuse, saying it was too hot yesterday, and I can certainly excuse myself today by saying it's raining. But for both of these excuses, they're only mental walls. I could easily go out and do as I please, my mind only refuses to do so. I think this mindset can apply to majority of society, everything is constructed in society, so much that our mind believes it to be true.
And despite everything that is constructed in society, none can give the answer to happiness. I used to find myself longing for love, for friendship, for a community. But if I had all of those, would I finally recieve what I am searching for? Or am I only following what society directs me in life, to create a family that will become the foundation of the future once I am gone?
As humans, I believe we are drawn to challenging ourselves. It is possible that my happiness stems from that as well. So I don't believe I have full control of my happiness since it needs to fulfil the goals that other people made. Such as getting a job, owning a house, providing for someone. It's about the thought of "I can do it! See everyone, I did as society said!" Maybe you could compare it with the bond of a teacher and student - the teacher gives the student a task and the students finishes it with pride. I like to also believe that pride influences our motivation to achieve higher. For the students who are disinterested in their work, they would focus their motivation elsewhere - playing games, watching movies, collecting items. Across all interests, there is a common theme of people bragging about their knowledge and possesssions. Everything stems from the goals of others. It is near impossible to suppress this urge. I could go on and on, but the more you understand the human condition, the more shallow the world looks. And yet, the less scared you feel towards death.
As if now, I would say I'm in a self discovery for true happiness. I want to free myself of the human condition, even though it is almost impossible to do so...